Resolution Check-In 11: Non-Stress

1) Exercise for 20 minutes per day. Hahahahahahahahahaha. This makes me laugh a lot. This past month has been rough. We still walk about a mile a day, but other than that and normal household tasks (cleaning, laundry, mandatory dance sessions with Lily) I'm just too tired and too uncomfortable to do much else. However, if you add up the minutes I walk and the minutes I dance, it is probably more than 20 total for each day. So I will call that success.    

2) Send one letter per week. Another fail. I can't think of a single letter I sent this month.      

3) Bake and decorate one thing outside of work per month. Lily and I have been doing a lot of baking in the past couple of weeks just as a way to pass the time. Also, we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday last weekend (early, just in case, turns out we didn't need to worry about that at all) so Lily and I made and decorated a cake for her. I managed to not document it at all. So, another partial fail. It was a red velvet cake with nutella filling and cream cheese frosting. I had some large candy dots that were just begging to be turned into polka dots on a cake, so I had Lily help me put them all over. She picked out each color, where it was going to go, and even put it on. The end result was less than perfect, and the cake decorator in me cringed a bit every time she smeared her fingers in the perfectly smooth icing I had just finished putting on, but she had a blast and was super proud of it. And hearing her sing 'Happy Birthday' is just about the cutest thing ever. 

4) Stop comparing myself to other moms. Blah. I am definitely not being the kind of mom I want to be to Lily lately. We watch way too much TV just because I'm too tired and uncomfortable to do much else. I find myself getting annoyed with her way too easily, through no fault of her own. She just wants her mama to play with her and all I want to do is sit and wallow in self-pity. 

This morning was the first round of post-date testing. I had to sit in a chair strapped to a monitor for about half an hour this morning to see if the baby is still healthy enough to wait for a spontaneous labor. So far, so good. But it was really giving me anxiety about being induced again. I'm so worried about being tethered to a bed again when delivering. I just don't think I could face it. 

After the non-stress test I had a regular appointment with one of the midwives. Every night for the past week or so, sometime between 1 and 5AM, I've been having regular contractions about every 15 minutes. Real, honest to goodness contractions, not just Braxton-Hicks. But after a couple of hours they just go away. This morning though, they started  around 5 and continued until we got in the car to drive to the appointment at 8. Things just felt different. I was so sure she was going to tell me things had progressed a ton and I would probably deliver today. I don't know why I felt that way, I just did. I felt ready, like it was time, for real. But no. Still only 1.5 cm dilated. I almost burst into tears in the office. Really? After 4 days of doing everything I can only another half a centimeter? I was crushed. That's not even really enough to have your membranes truly swept. She did what she could and I made another appointment for Monday. 

On top of anxiety about having to be medically induced, Joe starts finals on Monday. He keeps telling me not to worry about it, but I feel like I'm just adding more stress to him as well. It feels like I'm doing something wrong by not being able to get this done in a timely manner for him. Yes, I realize this is insane. But I can't help feeling like if he does less than perfect on these tests it will be directly my fault. 

On a completely random note, does anyone else think the Jane Seymour Open Hearts necklace looks like a snake waiting to strike? That's all I can think of when I see those sappy commercials. 

Due

So today is the official due date, December 4th, 2012. So far, no signs of anything really. I don't know why, but I was convinced this baby boy was going to come early. That's pretty silly, if you think about it. Lily was induced at 39 weeks and 3 days, so clearly I should have expected to go at least that far. I was just being hopeful that for convenience's sake the new one would come early. 

Yesterday at the appointment, the midwife checked and I'm all of 1 cm dilated. That means absolutely nothing. Apparently as a second time mom you can be that dilated for your entire pregnancy if anyone bothered to check.  Previously, I had been really worried about having pre-eclampsia again. Well, it's most likely that won't happen again. My blood pressure has been super low and consistent, there's little to no swelling, and my kidneys are functioning perfectly. As of tomorrow, I officially enter the real of post-date pregnancy which brings with it a whole new set of worries. 

Turns out I am absolutely terrified of being medically induced again. If I have to be induced I have to use a regular labor and delivery room, and basically it will be just like last time, which I really don't want. At the end of this week I have to go in for my first non-stress-test (which has to be the most poorly named test EVER) to make sure that the baby is not in distress and it's ok to just keep rolling along. I also have the opportunity to have my membranes swept (I'll spare you the details, basically it's a simple procedure that might help get things going). 

I've been thinking about this a lot. I even put up a facebook quandary about it that many people responded to. After talking to one of the midwives about it pretty extensively, I've decided to go ahead and do it at my next appointment on Friday, if I make it that long. (All signs point to yes.) If there's any chance that it means that I don't have to be medically induced, I am willing to try it. And again and again and again. Because apparently doing it once is not really effective, but doing it every few days can mean the difference between spontaneous and induced labor. Although, truthfully, I'm a little confused how it's still considered 'spontaneous' if you've basically been enraging the baby every couple of days, but whatever. I'll take it if it means I can use the Alternative Birth Center. 

I know I shouldn't be freaking out as much as I am. There are two whole weeks before medical induction becomes necessary, and there are lots of other things I can try, too. I'm taking evening primrose oil, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, and walking some. If I walk too much it just makes me tired and prevents me from sleeping because my hips hurt. 

I'm having a hard time filling the hours with Lily. I don't want to venture too far from home in case something happens, but I also don't want to just stay inside baking/cleaning/watching TV (which has been happening way too much lately). We're still going to our classes, and I try to take her to the park or something fun outside each day for a little bit. This weather is so nice, but I think it would be easier if it were cold. I would feel less guilty about being inside. I have several Christmas projects that need work on, but I'm having trouble getting things done with Lily around. She wants to be part of everything, and some of the things I'm making she just can't help with and she refuses to be distracted by anything else. 

Sigh, so I'm just feeling frustrated, tired, uncomfortable, and ready to be done. I know you're not supposed to complain about being pregnant because there are many women who would give anything to have these complaints. But I just can't help it. And I can't think of anything worse than being pregnant right now. Except being pregnant and Kate Middleton. 

Crafting with Lily

 We've been taking this art class at the Hyde Park Art Center, and it has become one of her favorite things we do each week. She asks every day if we're going to art class, and that answer is no every day except for Tuesday. So I've tried to step up our crafting at home to keep her interest going. The skills she's gained in such a short time are incredible. One thing I've learned is that a little bit of prep on my part when Lily's not around makes things go much smoother. We made some Thanksgiving luminarias to give to family members. I cut a circle out of a recycled paper bag from the grocery store, covered it with white tissue paper, cut some red, green and yellow tissue paper into strips, and made a little turkey torso shape from the left over bag parts the night before. Then I gave Lily a glue stick the next day and let her have at it. She had great fun gluing the strips of colored paper in the vicinity of the white circle, then I helped her put the turkey torso on. We filled each bag with a couple of handfuls of clear glass stones (this was probably her favorite part) and dropped in an LED tea light. And voila! Instant holiday decor. Lily kept requesting to turn of the lights so she could look at them and say "Oooh! So pe-ah!" (so pretty). 

We also tried making a festive fall wreath. This was not as much of a success as the candles, but still fun and pretty to make. We had gone of several leaf collecting excursions earlier in the fall and pressed them so they would keep their color and shape. She LOVED picking up leaves from everywhere we went. I also dried some of the flowers that Joe got me for our anniversary. And I had some random silk leaves lying around from last year, I think. I picked up this twig wreath from the Target dollar section and broke out the hot glue gun. Lily stuck the flowers in where she wanted, and pointed to where she wanted me to glue on the silk leaves (the super orange ones) then she was done. She wanted nothing to do with the dried leaves, so I glued them together in a sort of bow-like topper thing. We don't actually have anywhere to hang a wreath, so it's been sitting in the window. 

There are lots of Christmas crafts in the works, most as presents for other people so that post will come later. (We also have back-up present ideas in case the crafting doesn't happen with the arrival of the new one.) Lily is soooo excited about Christmas. Every morning she wakes up and sees the tree all lit up she makes this huge surprised face, covers her mouth, and gasps "So pe-ah!" I love it. 

And she's also really excited about the new baby. Whenever we make anything she asks if it's for the new baby. Or buy something. Or read a book. Or do anything. She loves to make sure we're including the new baby. My favorite is when we ask her what the new baby's name is. She scrunches up her face, taps her finger on her lips, and says "Hmmm.... little boy?" She always makes me laugh. I'm sure there will be lots of adjusting to do, but I'm hoping this excitement carries over when the little boy actually does arrive.

Loooonnnngggg Week

It's been a long week for us. It started with the time change on Sunday. Lily did great, at first. We went to church, she stayed in the nursery instead of the sunday school class (long story unto itself), long nap in the car after a delicious lunch at Buona Beef, and then a fun afternoon with the grandparents. Lily went to sleep early, and Joe and I got to watch a whole movie together. 

Then Monday happened. Everything seemed fine, and then we went to Wiggleworms. We went early so we could play in the tot lot for a while first to get rid of some of her extra energy. By the time class started, she had had a chance to run around and play with some kids for a while. Usually, that means that once class starts she's ready to follow directions and show the babies how to do all of the motions for the songs, dance moves, etc. Not that day. She had another one of her 'I'm just going to literally run around the room in circles like a tasmanian devil' days. So we left after about 15 minutes because it clearly was not going to work. I blame this more on daylight savings than her actual misbehavior because the minute she sat down on her bike to go home she just about passed out, and was completely asleep, sitting up and peddling, by the time we got home. 

Sadly, she woke up with a runny nose and just a generally cranky mood. Tuesday and Wednesday we battled extreme tiredness, little to no appetite, and mild fever on and off. There was lots of TV watching, coloring, play-doh-ing, book reading, long napping and snuggling. She was too miserable to go to art class or dance class, so that made the days even longer. Thursday was a little better. 

On top of all of this, I've been having trouble sleeping. Crazy terrible heartburn that doesn't seem to respond to ANYTHING, super uncomfortable hip pain no matter how I lie down, and thinking through all of the things that need to get done in the next three to five weeks before the little boy arrives. I was able to be productive the first night and write some organizational lists, finish the baby blanket, and got a good start on one of Lily's Christmas presents. The next two nights not so much. I was too tired to think straight, or sit up really, and Lily was having so much trouble breathing while lying down there was no way I could sleep. 

But today is Friday. And today is a good day. Thankfully I got a full night's sleep, the kind of deep, intense sleep I needed. The sun is shining. Lily seems happier, if not completely better. And the Aaron Copland Pandora station is amazing. My original inclination was to go with the positive turn of events and take an excursion to the Arboretum for story time. But after some consideration, I decided to stay around the house and get caught up on housework, play a bit, and finally get over whatever Lily has. After a nap and some lunch we'll walk to the grocery store for a bit of outside-ness, maybe get a special treat to eat in the park on the way home, and then bake something together. I definitely think this was the right decision. Later tonight I'll get a fun craft prepped for tomorrow since Joe will be busy at school all day again, work a little more on Christmas stuff, and maybe we can even get caught up on Once Upon A Time after Lily goes to bed. 

OK, enough complaining. There was lots of good that happened this week, too. Like we bought a car! I've been driving a tiny, red Mitsubishi Lancer since 2006. This little beast moved with me to New Hampshire, then to Arizona, and finally back to Illinois, with several trips between all those places in between. She was a good car, but I'm not sad to see her go. For one thing, it was tiny. With Lily's car seat still backwards (until 40 pounds! Seriously, she's going to be in there until she's 4.), the passenger seat has to be up almost all the way. Poor Joe's knees have been jammed up against the dashboard for a year now. We tried to put the infant car seat behind the driver's seat, and that just wasn't going to happen. I like to have the seat back pretty far, and there was just no way it was going to fit. It was almost to 100K miles, and it was starting to require more maintenance than I wanted. So, we decided to look for something bigger, yet still fuel efficient, and NOT a mini van. We settled on a 2011 Chevy Equinox from Carmax. I love Carmax. Neither of us are negotiators in the slightest, so it's nice to go to a place that doesn't expect it. And that's where I got my first car, my parents have gotten several cars there, and Joe sold his car there. It was a fairly painless experience, just a small snafu with Joe's driver license and birthday, and we have a very pretty new car with PLENTY of space. 

And finally, some silly Lily stories. Whenever she wakes up we say "Good morning, Lily, how did you sleep?" She usually says good or fine or just yes. Then we ask her if she had any dreams. A while back she started saying yes, so we then asked what she dreamed about and she said babies. She says this every day. I ask her what about babies, and for a couple of weeks the answer was "Poke! Poke babies!" Then about a week ago it changed to "Book! Read book babies!" I have no idea where this is coming from, but it cracks me up. Also, her favorite princess Cinderella, or 'Rella' as she says, has a new name: C-Rella. Like P. Diddy. I love it. I can't believe how fast her vocabulary and sentence structure is improving. It's almost like she's a real human now. 

OK, time for some soup and tortilla chips for lunch! Have a great weekend!

Resolution Check-In 10

1) Exercise for 20 minutes per day. I should really just change the title of this section to 'Monthly Pregnancy Update' because that's what it's turned in to. But I like pretending that this is still about exercise. Truthfully, for 36 weeks I'm still getting a pretty good amount. I've had some weird bone pain in my legs, so I didn't do my prenatal workout video as often as I should have. I managed once a week for this month. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I can really only expect to complete the 'express' third trimester workout on the DVD. It's half an hour, instead of 45 minutes, but it makes all the difference in both 1) my willingness to actually do it and 2) Lily's willingness to put up with me doing something other than entertain her. For some reason all of a sudden she just can't do ANYTHING without me. But more on that later. The days I don't get the video in, it's usually for a good reason, like walking two miles to do our miscellaneous errands for the day and chasing Lily all around all day long. 

So far I've gained 24 pounds, which is a few less than with Lily at this point. I was pretty surprised when I looked that up because I feel much smaller, and my maternity clothes are fitting better than they did last time. Must be because it's all muscle...   

2) Send one letter per week. This month many of you readers probably received a Halloween card from Lily. I think one mass mailing per month counts as one letter per week, right? I'm still amazed at how hard this resolution turned out to be to keep. It takes a lot of thought to write letters. And a lot of time to actually just sit down and write it. I'm going to renew this resolution for next year and try to make it actual letters to my actual friends, and not cheat by sending just Lily's footprints.     

3) Bake and decorate one thing outside of work per month. This was a good month for baking. Honey spice cookies, oatcakes, pumpkin spice mini muffins, and Jello Jigglers (do they count as baking?). Not a whole lot of decorating again. Decorating is fun, but truthfully it's more fun baking with Lily so I've been focusing on that part of things.  

4) Stop comparing myself to other moms. This was okay this month. We had our troubles with participating in classes, but that seems to be settling a little bit. I didn't really change anything, we still use the three strikes rule, but talking about WHY things are happening seems to be helping a lot. For the rest of the week, Lily was able to remember why we left music class and, I think, understood that it would happen again if she wasn't listening to me or the teacher. And the next week we talked about how Lily is a big girl and she needs to show the babies how good she is at following directions and help them understand what's going on. That has been a really big incentive, wanting to help with other babies. Another thing making me feel better has been paying attention to other kids her age around, and seeing that they're all exhibiting the same behaviors. She's just being two, and as long as I keep trying to help her become a civilized human, we will get through this and it will be okay. 

One really recent, and annoying, change that Lily is going through is her need for me to be right next to her all of the time. Doing what she's doing. Entertaining her, keeping her amused, holding her hand. This has mostly manifested itself in my not being able to work out, even if I encourage her to do the video with me (she used to love that). But she has also been very reluctant for me to leave her at Sunday school. She used to love going to play with the other kids, but now just wants me to stay with her. I can't tell if she doesn't like the teacher, the room, or whatever, but it leads to a total meltdown when I try to leave. She calms down pretty easily after I leave, but it's hard to convince the teacher that's going to be the case when she's wailing and screaming and throwing herself on the ground. I know that this is probably just normal separation anxiety and that this too shall pass. 

What I'm about to say next will probably put me in a special class of terrible parents: I dislike reading to my child. I know, I know. It's so good for them, bonding, language skills, logic skills, blah blah blah. It's BORING. We read the same 10 books over and over. And I have to read them the same way every time. And she wants to read them all of the time. When eating. When peeing. When brushing her teeth. When watching TV. I should be happy that she likes to read books with me so much. And you would think it would be a nice, easy thing we could do together when I'm huge. But it's not. It takes a lot of effort to read to a toddler. To make it worthwhile you have to engage them, ask questions, point to things, have them point to things, have them tell you the story, use funny voices, etc. Truthfully, it's exhausting. Not to mention that she likes to sit on my lap, which is super uncomfortable right now. She absolutely will not look at them on her own. She won't even hold them and turn the pages when I read to her. 

I know how whiney this all sounds, but I just don't have the words to describe why it irks me so. I loved reading as a kid and still do. I can't wait to share some of my favorite books with her, The Mennyms, Finn Family Moomintroll, The Chronicles of Narnia. I'm all about reading chapter books before bed. But board books, picture books, children's books, I'm ready to move on. 

So that's where things are one month until the boy is due to arrive. We still haven't finished getting things ready around the apartment (side rail on the bed, revamping the Lily Pad, finding/washing the bottles, etc.) but we've still got 30 days, right? It'll all get done. Sometime.  

Halloween!

Today is Halloween! Not my favorite holiday, but a pretty fun one nonetheless. Growing up we had a combination of store bought, self-made and Goodwill assembled costumes. We also carved pumpkins, but truthfully, I never really liked it. I don't like the stringy, slimy, smelly insides of pumpkins. But I do love roasted pumpkin seeds. So I was super psyched to find some for sale at our local grocery store (surprisingly, most places don't sell them because they assume you'll do it yourself). 

And we found this awesome kit at Target for $5 to turn our pumpkin into Cinderella's carriage! I had actually thought of doing this, albeit more elaborately and thus probably more expensively. All of this came in one nice little box, super cheap, with everything you need (except the pumpkins) and instructions. And Lily had a blast helping make it. She really liked painting it, sticking all the glittery stickers on, and stabbing the small pumpkins with bamboo skewers to use as wheels. All in all, a total, cheap success. 

I've been feeling like Cinderella has been taking over our life recently, though, so I was determined that Lily was NOT going to be Cinderella for Halloween. So instead, we decided to dress up as a family as The Wonder Pets, probably my favorite of the Nick Jr. shows that we watch on Netflix. But for some reason they don't sell a lot of Wonder Pets merchandise any more, at least not at reasonable prices, so I decided to use my newly acquired sewing skills to whip us up some capes and find the other pieces at thrift stores or wherever. Easier said than done. 

I found a pattern for the capes online, and didn't actually read the instructions just bought some cheap cotton fabric and went at it. Turns out I was supposed to use fleece so as not to need any hems. So I ended up sewing the edges of all of them, and adding a piece of ribbon to tie at the neck. Turns out that pinning and sewing circles is hard. But they turned out okay. Making the Wonder Pets badge to put on the capes was easier because I used felt and fabric glue. Then my plan was to use fusible webbing just because it was going to take less time. I should know that's never the case. It wouldn't really stick at all, so I ended up just hand stitching them on. I think that actually was a good thing because they look cute and homemade. 

As far as accessories go, Ming Ming Duck wears an aviator hat with goggles, Linny the guinea pig wears an orange baseball hat, and Turtle Tuck wears a red and white sailor hat with blue water shoes. I was able to get most of them from Goodwill or borrow from family. Then the night before we went to Boo at the Zoo I decided Lily needed some duck feet to complete the costume. So I used some left over felt from the badges to make little shoe covers. Lily calls them her Ming Ming slippers. 

And here's the whole outfit together. Ming Ming Duck! I think she looks pretty cute. 

And here's all three of us. Joe was a super good sport in wearing the blue fleece slippers I got instead of water shoes and my Where's Waldo hat from the Monster Dash last year. I look particularly special in this picture, but remember, I'm a guinea pig so it's kind of appropriate. Lily wanted to fly like Ming Ming, so she did. I like how her little duck feet hang down. 

And here we all are together at the zoo. It was really nice to hear people say 'Look! It's the Wonder Pets!' when we were all together. Totally validating. This was taken right before the costume parade that Lily was willing to be in for all of 20 steps before she realized we were walking AWAY from her grandparents. She decided she would rather just stay with them than keep walking. So we ducked out early (ha!) and rejoined our families. 

As for Halloween day itself, Lily and I dressed up to go to a little kid party at the neighborhood club. She wore her Ming Ming cape for all of 2 minutes before she found a Cinderella dress she would much rather wear instead. She got her face painted like a cat, made a glittery pumpkin, ran around with lots of other little kids, and didn't eat too much sugar. We didn't actually go trick-or-treating because our neighborhood isn't that accessible. And no one came to our door because we live on the 10th floor of a locked apartment building. So it was pretty chill. 

Happy Halloween!

Honey and Spice Make Everything Nice

I was going to hold off on writing about these until I made at least one more batch, but they're just too good not to share. They're from my new favorite cookbook, A Feast of Ice & Fire, of course. They are officially called Modern Honey Biscuits, but I like the sound of Honey Spice Cookies better and I think it's a more accurate description. 

These are really good. Like, really really good. They're spicy. And sweet. And fluffy. And chewy. And buttery. And are the perfect pair to coffee or tea in the morning. Or the afternoon. Or evening. They're really fun to make with little people as well because you can mix it all up with your hands and nothing will kill you. Yes, yes, there's raw flour (and I've heard that's more dangerous than raw eggs in terms of potential salmonella) but I'm willing to risk it. And honey is probably my favorite sweetener EVER. 

One change I would make, is I would use less ginger next time. They are delicious as is, but I would like to taste more of some of the other spices. After getting the ginger to other spice levels work out, I would try adding a dash of nutmeg on top of the dough balls for a nice finish. I know there's nutmeg in pumpkin pie spice, but I really like nutmeg and I would like to taste a little more of it in there I think. 

You need to go make these now. 

Modern Honey Biscuits
2 cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, chilled and cubed
1/2 cup honey
1 cup raw sugar for decorating

Preheat the oven to 300*F. Either line two baking sheets with parchment paper or plan to bake in two batches.

In a bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, spices, granulated sugar, and ginger. using your fingers, rub the butter into the flour until the mixture resembles fine bread crumbs. Heat the honey in a small saucepan over medium heat until it is warm and runny (or microwave it for 1 minute). Add the honey to the flour mixture and work with a wooden spoon or spatula until a soft dough forms. 

Pour the raw sugar into a bowl. Roll the dough into 2-inch balls and coat them with raw sugar. Place eight balls onto each prepared baking sheet, without flattening them; leave room around the sides for spreading. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes or until the tops of the biscuits are just cracked. Let them stand on the baking sheets for 10 minutes before transferring them to a wire rack to cool. 

Eat the biscuits right away or store them in an airtight container for up to a week. 

Pushing the limits

I'm writing a post at 10:30 AM on a Monday. I should not be able to do this because Lily and I should be at Wiggleworms, the music class we go to run by the Old Town School of Folk Music. Lily LOVES Wiggleworms. It's one of her favorite activities of the week. But today, we had to leave because Lily was being totally uncooperative, wouldn't sit down or even just stand next to me, and the instructor had to stop class twice to ask her to stop running around the room like an idiot. 

In general, we follow a three strikes rule. I ask Lily to do something three times, and if she doesn't we leave or whatever she was playing with gets taken away. If it was something big, like having to leave class, we leave and then about half way home we stop and talk about why we left and do the same when we get back home. Then the issue is generally dropped. I mean, she's only 2 and her memory only goes back so far. I'm a big believer in natural consequences for bad behavior, and having to leave class seems appropriate. At the beginning of class next week I'll probably remind her so she remembers that there are consequences to not listening to mama or Miss Shanta and hopefully things will go better. I also try really hard to not say no or to stop doing something for arbitrary reasons, only for safety or being a civilized human. 

But there's a problem with this. When we leave class Lily gets to ride her bike home, which is possibly her second favorite activity to do. Then she gets to be at home and do pretty much whatever she wants. 'Punishing' her further at home seems pretty pointless because it's too far removed from the action that instigated it. So suddenly her natural consequence has turned into a natural benefit. 

And she's doing it all the time now. Testing the limits of everything, willfully and stubbornly. (I wonder who she gets that from?) When we're at home trying to get ready to go out somewhere, she usually crawls under the table multiple times to prevent me from putting on her socks, shoes, jacket, whatever. What am I supposed to do then? If I say 'do this or we're not going' that's partly what she wants, even if it's someplace fun we're supposed to go. And usually it's someplace that I HAVE to go, so not going is not an option. We don't take toys or things with us most places, so there's no threat there. Bribes don't work either, nor do I think they're the answer. 

I get so frustrated with her not being cooperative. And it's not like she's throwing a fit, she just thinks it's a fun game to make mama pull her out from the under the table, or chase her through the grocery store. I've done the waiting it out thing, too. Like at home if it's not somewhere I need to be at a certain time I'll just wait until she's ready to come out. That works pretty well, also with her toys when she refuses to clean up before starting the next thing. We have a mini battle of wills, and so far mine always wins because I'm happy to just sit on the floor doing nothing waiting for her to pick up her blocks before getting out all of her dolls. Neither of us gets bent out of shape, both end up pretty happy, and in the end what needs to get done does. But when time is an issue, or it's at someone else's house that doesn't work so well. 

Evening update: At dinner my mom asked Lily if she went to Wiggleworms today and she looked at me sadly. I said "We had to leave Wiggleworms. Lily do you remember why?" and she looked sadly at my mom and said "Run." Then I asked her who asked her to stop running and she said Shanta. I'm pretty encouraged that she was able to process and remember all that and feel a little bit bad about it. Maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are. 

And truthfully, this happens like once a day. As long as I can control my frustration about it, she responds pretty positively. I think I just needed to vent a while. Wiggleworms is one of the few things we pay to go to, and it's not cheap. And it's embarrassing to have the kid that's acting out of control, especially when you're 7.5 months pregnant and have a hard time getting up and down from the floor let alone trying to chase your two year old around in a circle. 

How do you deal with uncooperative children? As usual, any suggestions are welcome. 

Second Feast

There may or may not have been a small grease fire associated with this dinner preparation. I'll never tell. 

This weekend we made the Modern Beef and Bacon Pie with Modern Buttered Carrots, a mixed greens salad with green peppers and cherry tomatoes from our garden, and 17th-Century Baked Apples and ice cream (not pictured). Joe picked up some good English hard cider on his way home from school. It was really delicious and surprisingly easy to prepare. The pie came together quite quickly, leaving me plenty of time to prepare the sides while it baked. The carrots are wonderfully savory. I really dislike sweet carrot dishes, and this one is so good. The chives really make the dish. And Lily loved it to boot. Then we threw the apples in the oven to bake while we ate dinner which made the house smell heavenly. We served this with vanilla coconut milk ice cream. I could have eaten a lot more of it.

I just can't get over how much I love this cookbook, A Feast of Ice and Fire. I love the recipes, I love the presentation, I love the writing, it's all just great. I also love the simplicity of the techniques and ingredients. I know none of this is rocket science or particularly new, but I just love it. Joe and I are also fans of Cooks Illustrated which can be a little overwhelming, and after years of cooking "The Best (fill in the blank)" with whatever crazy techniques and ingredients they call for, the wholesome rustic-ness of these recipes is refreshing. And the writers always add a fun little twist to the modern versions to make them seem older and somehow fancier. Seriously, yesterday's entree featured a bacon lattice. A BACON LATTICE. And there are leftovers. Delicious, bacon covered leftovers. 

Modern Beef and Bacon Pie (from The North)

12 strips bacon

2 tbsp unsalted butter

1 onion, diced

1 carrot, cut into small chunks (I had two smallish carrots, so I used them both)

1/2 medium potato, cubed (I had a small Yukon Gold, so I used the whole thing)

1.5 lbs chuck steak or stew meat, cut small (we had ground beef, so...)

2 tbsp all-purpose flour

1/2 cup beef broth (we had the Swanson concentrated broth cup things so I used one of those plus 1/2 cup water)

Salt and ground black pepper to taste

Large pinch dried rosemary, or other savory herbs (I keep thinking we have rosemary when we don't, so I threw in some thyme and oregano instead)

1/2 bath Medieval Pastry dough, or enough dough for a single-crust 9-inch pie, unbaked (I just bought a pie crust)

Preheat the oven to 400*F.

Weave the bacon strips into a lattice, alternating each strip under and over the others. Make your lattice as wide as you can, reserving any extra strips of bacon. Place this woven bacon and any extra strips on a baking sheet with high edges to catch the bacon grease. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the bacon is crispy. Set aside to cool, but leave the oven on to bake the pie. 

Melt the butter in a pan over medium heat. Add the onion, carrot, and potato, and cook gently until the onion is soft and golden. Toss the beef with flour until each piece is covered. Add the beef to the vegetables and stir over low heat for 5 minutes, or until brown. Stir in any extra flour and cook for 1 minute longer. (Note: because we used ground beef I did not toss it with flour before adding it to the pot. Instead I browned the meat with the vegetables and added a tablespoon of flour at the end and cooked it for a minute before proceeding. If I were to do this again, I would cook the meat completely separately from the vegetables and drain it before adding it to the plan, then the flour, etc.)

Add the broth, salt, pepper, and rosemary; mix well, and simmer for 10 minutes, until a gravy has formed. Let the meat mixture cool. 

Place your empty pie pan facedown on top of your lattice-work bacon. Using a sharp knife, cut around the pie pan until you have a circle of lattice. Crumbel the leftover cooked bacon and add it to the filling.

Roll out the pastry dough and line your pie pan, allowing any extra dough to drape over the edge of the pan. Pour the filling mixture into the shell. Cover with the bacon lattice pinching off any excess, then fold the extra dough over the top of the bacon. Bake for about 40 minutes, or until the crust is golden. 

Modern Buttered Carrots (from King's Landing) 

3 tbsp unsalted butter

2 lbs carrots, peeled and cut diagonally into 1/4-inch slices

Kosher salt

Ground black pepper

2 tbsp finely chopped fresh chives or scallions

Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the carrots and 1/2 teaspoon salt and cook, covered, until steam begins to escape from under the lid, about 5 minutes. Reduce the heat to low and continue to cook, covered and stirring occassionally, until the carrots are just tender, 15 to 20 minutes. 

Remove the lid, add 1/4 teaspoon pepper, and cook, stirring occassionally, until the liquid is evaporated and the butter begins to brown, about 5 more minutes. Sprinkle with chives and season with more salt and pepper if needed. Serve.

17th-Century Baked Apples (from The North)

1 tbsp ground cinnamon

4 tbsp sugar

2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted

2 firm, tart red apples (we used Honeycrisp because that's what we had. They tasted great but sort of fell apart)

Preheat the oven to 350*F.

Mix together the cinnamon, sugar, and butter.

Slice the apples in half vertically through the core. Cut out the core and seeds (a melon baller or grapefruit spoon works well for this), then price the inside of the apple all over with a sharp knife. Place the apples cut side up in a baking dish and pour in enough water to just cover the bottom of the dish. Divide the cinnamon filling among the apple halves, spreading it to coat the cut surface. 

Cover and bake for 1 hour. Provide a fork and knife for your guests to eat the apples with, and enjoy!

First Feast

We LOVE Game of Thrones. To be honest though, we haven't read any of the books. Joe is reading the first one, sort of, and I would love to read them all but it's taking me months to finish the one book I started way back in June. So admittedly, we're not hard core fans of the whole series, although I have a sneaking suspicion we would be. 

We had heard about a cookbook based on the series on NPR one day and decided to check it out. So I requested it from the Chicago Public Library, and whaddayaknow, 4 months later it's finally here! It's called 'A Feast of Ice and Fire: The Official Cooking Companion'. It started as a blog, Inn at the Crossroads, and after the authors and fans brought samples of the dishes to George R. R. Martin on his book tour, he gave them his blessing to be the official Game of Thrones cookbook. 

Since Game of Thrones is sort of medieval-ish and sort of English and sort of old, I was fully expecting this to be filled with all sorts of really old boiled meat and vegetables kind of dishes. And it is, but it's so much more. The book is arranged by the different regions of Westeros, and takes its inspiration from the dishes described in the books. There are two versions of most recipes: one really old, historically researched version that's kind of intense to make and one more modern version using more current ingredients, techniques, and pallet to achieve the same effect. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of lighter dishes (salads, sides, soups) and the pastries, oh the pastries. I am most excited about the breads, tarts, cookies, biscuits, and pies. I seriously can't wait to make them all. The recipes aren't really earth shattering, they just all sound so delicious in their simplicity. And it's fall. Need I mention again about how all I can think of is warm, filling, delicious, fresh food? After spending an afternoon drooling over the library copy, I decided we needed to own it and promptly ordered it from Amazon. In the meantime, we just had to try it out. 

So this is our first feast! We made the Modern Bean-and-Bacon Soup and Crusty White Bread, both dishes from The Wall. We paired it with a small mixed green salad with chopped tomatoes and fresh mozarella. I plated it up on our most rustic plates, lit a few candles, and as the sun went down we feasted!

First, the bread. This is delicious bread. I'm not a regular bread maker. I went through a phase in grad school where I made it almost weekly in Tempe, but since moving to our current apartment with it's tiny kitchen and Lily underfoot, I haven't done much. This is a nice, crusty white bread just as the name would suggest. It has a good savory flavor, and a great crust. It's kept pretty well, too. My favorite way to eat it, other than dunked in a bowl of soup is with a layer of fake cream cheese and a shmear of honey on top. I could eat a whole loaf of it at once like that. 

Next, the soup. This is a truly great soup. Quick to make, few ingredients, and warm and filling after a chilly fall day outdoors. We substituted prosciutto for the bacon because we had some that needed to be used up. Most of the ingredients are get pureed together after cooking, so it's a pretty smooth soup, but you add pieces of bacon and cook some orzo in it at the very end. I wasn't sure how I felt about the orzo as I was making it, but it gives it a really nice body. It's not as noticeable as rice can be, but it made it feel really good in your mouth. I don't have a more elegant way to describe it than that. 

We threw together the salad as sort of a deconstructed caprese on top of a drizzle of balsamic vinagrette because we had those on hand. It made for a really nice end to the meal. I like to have a little crunch after something so warm and hearty. And Lily gobbled this all up. She can't get enough of the bread with just a little bit of honey on it and she ate a whole bowl of the soup. She would have eaten more of it if there were any. 

Then after we were all stuffed, we sang happy birthday and blew out the candles. Because that's what you do with candles, not because it was actually anybody's birthday. Lily's version of the song goes like this "bird-day doo, bird-day doo, bird-day doo cake, bird-day doo.... blow!" It cracks me up every time. 

Now for the recipes.

Crusty White Bread

No rocket science here, just good simple bread.

1.5 Tbsp dry yeast (two packets)

1 to 2 tablespoons honey (I used one)

3 cups warm water

6.5 cups all-purpose flour, plus more as needed (I kneaded more, ha!)

1 tbsp coarse salt

1/3 cup cornmeal

"Add the yeast and honey to the water and mix it up. Don't worry if all the yeast does not dissolve; it will finish mixing in the flour. Add the flour and salt and begin working them into the mixture. 

Dump the dough onto a clean, floured countertop or board and knead for around 5 minutes, pushing with the heel of your hand, then gathering the dough back into a lump. Knead until the dough becomes one big mass. You will know when it is ready by poking it. When the dough bounces back, you're all set. If it's still too sticky, add a little extra flour. 

Now place the dough into a large greased bowl, cover it with a towel, and let it sit in a warm place for about 2 hours. You can also put it in the refrigerator overnight; it will rise more slowly. You can even let the dough sit in the fridge for a couple of days, at which point it will begin to take on a slight sourdough taste. 

Once the dough has at least doubled in size, divide it into thirds. Pull on each piece to form a ball, tucking all the ends in at the bottom The balls should be semi-smooth. Dust the top of each round loaf with a bit of flour and make some light slices in the dough with a very sharp knife. Place the balls at least 4 inches apart on a baking sheet dusted with cornmeal and allow them to rise, uncovered for about 40 minutes. 

Preheat the oven to 450*F. Fill a baking dish or broiler pan with 2 cups of water and place it under the rack where your bread will go. (This is the trick to making a nice, crusty loaf of rustic bread. The steam from the water adds a nice crunch to the surface of the loaf.) Bake the loaves for around 30 minutes, until the crusts are a dark golden color and the loaves sound hollow when you tap them."

Modern Bean-and-Bacon Soup

It says that it serves 3 to 4, but Joe and I could have easily finished the pot ourselves.

3 strips of bacon, plus extra for garnish (we used 2 slices of prosciutto)

1 tsp olive oil

1 small onion, diced

One 15-ounce can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained

1 tsp dried thyme, plus extra for garnish (we didn't add any extra)

2 cups chicken stock

1/4 feta cheese, plus extra for garnish

1/4 orzo

1 cup water (I only used half a cup because it seemed a bit thin)

Salt and ground black pepper to taste 

"In a small skillet, cook the bacon over medium heat until it is well browned but not burned. Remove to a plate covered with paper towels to drain. Pour off all but 1 tsp of bacon fat from the pan. Add the olive oil to the remaining fat. 

Add the diced onion to the skillet and saute for 3 to 5 minutes, or until it is just starting to brown. Add the beans, thyme, and stock, then raise the heat to high. Bring the soup to a boil, then turn it down to a simmer. Half cover with a lid, and cook for 10 minutes.

Puree the soup with an immersion blender, or in batches with an upright blender. Return the soup to medium heat, then add the feta, orzo, 2 strips of crumbled bacon, and water. Cook for 5 minutes, or until the pasta is tender. Season with salt and pepper.

Ladle the soup into individual bowls, crumble a bit of the leftover bacon on top, garnish with thyme and feta, and serve."