Mama de dos

Six weeks into it and I'm feeling pretty good about things. This is what I was waiting for, getting ready for while being pregnant. I was so tired and miserable at the end that just not being pregnant anymore is a huge relief. I can move, I can eat, I can sleep, and I finally have my energy back. 

I'm actually kind of surprised at how easy the transition has gone. Joe was home for almost four weeks and that was a huge help with getting everyone settled. He went back to school full time (and then some) two and a half weeks ago. It took us a few days to get into our new rhythm, but I think we've got a good thing going. Don't get me wrong, it's hard and sometimes the days are interminably long. But it's hard in ways that I expected, and that in itself makes it seem not as hard. 

The two things that I was most worried about, nursing and sleeping, have turned out to be the easiest parts. First, nursing. Thomas is such a good nurser. And he has been from the very beginning. I don't know if it's because he was bigger and more mature than Lily or because I know what I'm doing better this time, but the difference is like night and day. Probably a combination of both. It's not even just that he's better at it sooner, it's completely different. Lily had a terrible latch and wanted to nurse 24/7 for the first three months of her life. Thomas was ready to go from the first moment and he nurses and then he's done. Like a normal baby. It's amazing. He finishes, I burp him, and then he either passes out in the sling/swing/carseat or stays awake for a while and lets me and Lily play with him. He's also happy to nurse and then sleep while comfort nursing if I let him, but it's not a requirement like it was with Lily. And he's gaining weight! At 6 weeks he's already 10 lbs. Lily didn't weigh that much until she was 6 months! True story. While I eventually grew to love nursing Lily, I am thankfully and pleasantly surprised that it's so much easier this time. 

Second, sleeping. We started co-sleeping with Lily because we were going to be moving and didn't want to deal with moving a crib. And then it became necessary if I was ever going to be able to sleep. Then we just fell in love with it. We have a crib with one side removed attached to the side of our queen size bed and that's where she spends most of her nights. I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen with the new baby joined us. Turns out this also was no big deal, at least at night. Joe lays down with her sometime between 7 and 7:30, then she's usually asleep by 8 or 8:30. Joe gets up and we get to spend some time together usually watching something while Thomas nurses or naps and then we all go to bed together around 10. Lily sometimes wakes up as we're getting back into bed, but she just snuggles up against my back while Thomas is between me and Joe. Thomas will sleep for about 4 hours at a time, and 80% of the time his waking up doesn't bother her at all. Again, I am pleasantly surprised by how well this has gone. 

The real challenge has been naptime. For the first four weeks either Joe took her for a drive or walk and I would nap with Thomas, or we would all nap together. Now that he's back at school, things have gotten interesting. It's getting to be too expensive to aimlessly drive for two hours a day, and it's been too cold out to walk for that long either. Not to mention I would have to wear Thomas while pushing Lily in the stroller and my abdominal muscles just aren't ready for that yet. So I decided to just bite the bullet and do it. The first day Joe went back when 1PM rolled around the three of us got into bed and we were going to stay there as long as it took until she fell asleep. It took about an hour of talking/wiggling/laughing/singing/squirming/etc. before she finally passed out. She kept wanting to look at and touch and play with Thomas. He was happily nursing and napping away, so it didn't phase him at all. Now two weeks later we're down to 15 to 30 minutes, which is about what it was before. I end up stuck in the bed between them, but really that's not a bad problem to have. Since not being pregnant my need to nap has dropped significantly, but an hour of quiet and lying down is a nice break in the day, asleep or awake. 

Truthfully, I think Lily is ready for her own bed. I'm fairly certain she would sleep through the whole night on her own after falling asleep. Even if she wakes up and we're not in bed, we just walk her back and she'll climb right back in, snuggle down under her comforter and fall asleep without me having to get in the bed with her. Unfortunately we don't have anywhere to put another bed in our apartment. Technically we have another bedroom, but it's being used as an office/storage room and it seems so cold and far away. She'd be on completely the other side of our apartment, and I'm not ready for that yet. There's also not enough room in our bedroom for another bed, even a toddler one. She hasn't said she wants her own space yet, so we're just gonna keep going along. We'll be moving over the summer, and we're hoping to get a place where she can have her own big girl room just in time for her third birthday. 

Now for pictures. As blurry as this photo is, it's a fairly accurate representation of our life these days. Lily is a flurry of activity and sparkles around Thomas, who is just chillin' and mildly amused by her antics. 

And here's our little frog price waiting for his turn at bath time. He does not love it. But Lily sure does. She's a great helper and likes to rinse the bubbles out of his hair. 

Through all of the changes and requests for her to wait, Lily is still enthralled with Thomas. He is her new favorite person and wants him to always be awake so she can show him her toys and tell him about all the things he can do when he gets "big, Big, BIG!" She tells everyone we meet about her new baby and whenever we leave the house she checks to make sure we brought him with us. Getting to spend time with him, hold him, or take a bath with him are such favored activities that they are now part of the bribe/threat rotation. Example: Me - After you eat your dinner, you get to take a bath with Thomas. Lily - No! Me - Then you have to take a bath alone. Lily - O-tay! And she hops up on her chair and happily finishes her food. It's like magic. 

So this mama of two thing isn't so bad. I know it will keep evolving and there will be many challenges along the way, but for now it just feels right.  

Birth Story

In celebration of Thomas being one month old today, I thought I'd finally get this written (before I forget anymore of it!).

The evening of December 11th, I got the giggles something fierce. It was more than just the giggles, they were big belly laughs. And everything was hilarious to me. I joked to Joe that I was going to laugh myself into labor. Turns out I did. 

After calming down enough to fall asleep, I woke up about an hour later with contractions. These were more intense than anything I had felt so far. I stayed in bed and tried to sleep some more, hoping they would just go away because Joe had his ONLY in class final the next morning. They kept coming pretty steadily every 10 minutes or so for the rest of the night. I ended up moving to the couch so I could use the heating pad to help manage the pain. 

Joe got up around 6AM and I told him the news. I didn't really know what to do because they weren't really progressing very much, and Joe's final was only going to last until noon. I knew that if he stayed home labor would pretty much stop and this baby wasn't going to come for another three days, but I was also worried that if he went I was going to end up having this baby alone, in the bathtub. So I called the midwife while Joe got in contact with the Dean. We ended up deciding he should go ahead and take the final. The law school let him take the final in a room by himself so he could leave without disturbing the other students, and they gave me the phone number for the registrar and the Dean to call in case things got going for real. 

Thankfully, things pretty much stopped. I didn't have ANY contractions while he was gone. After lunch we decided to drive out to the Morton Arboretum to let Lily run around the children's garden and maybe walking a bit would start contractions again. Pretty much as soon as we got on the expressway they did. And fast. So we decided to just drive to my mom's house instead. By the time we got there, they were 5 minutes apart. We got Lily inside, walked around the block once, they dropped to 4 minutes apart, and we called the midwife again. 

Gayle, the midwife on call, agreed to meet us at the office even though the office is closed on Wednesdays. I am still so thankful for this. I was pretty sure I was in labor, but the contractions were pretty easy to deal with, and I wasn't sure enough that I wanted to go right to the hospital. But I was also afraid of having the baby in the car. Remember, last time I was induced so all of this happened in the hospital and was I carefully monitored the whole time. I didn't want to be one of those women who ends up walking around the hospital for hours OR has the baby in the parking lot. So off to the office we went. 

Gayle was so kind and reassuring and told me that I was dilated 5 cm and definitely in labor but that the baby wasn't going to fall out. She said we could go back home if we wanted, or if we would be more comfortable going to the hospital that would be fine too. We decided to go to the hospital. I was sort of surprised that I wanted to go there as much as I did. After last time, I was sure that I wanted to labor at home as long as possible and be at the hospital for as short a time as possible. But I'm also a really anxious person, so worrying about not getting there in time was really stressing me out so we just went. We checked into triage around 4PM. 

Shortly after, we moved into one of the alternative birth center rooms. The contractions were getting slightly more intense, still about 4 minutes apart. Joe was doing a great job applying counter pressure to my lower back and after a while Gayle suggested getting into the shower both for nipple stimulation to increase contractions and for the heat for pain management. Pretty much as soon as I got in they dropped to 2 minutes and having the water stream onto my lower back was amazing. I felt like I could have stayed there all night. Seriously, I would have a contraction for about 45 seconds, and it would suck, but then it would be done and I was fine. Like smiling and laughing and joking fine. It was so nice to be able to move around, and the warm water was soothing, and I wasn't hooked up to any machines. When they needed to check the baby they brought in the wireless fetal monitor and just held it on my stomach to get the heartbeat. I thought this was going to be a total breeze...

Things stayed pretty much the same for a couple of hours, so at 9PM we decided it was time to have my water broken. I was feeling ready for things to be moving forward again. That was when the midwives had a shift change, so Gayle left and Brigitte took over. Most of my final appointments had been with Brigitte, so she knew how worried I had been about pre-eclampsia and how I was terrified of having to be induced. I was glad to see her. Actually having your water broken doesn't hurt, but it does suddenly intensify your contractions. I got back in the shower and it just wasn't working as well as before. 

Joe and Brigitte helped me get to the labor tub. The warm water all around my abdomen as well as the shower head on my lower back really helped with the pain, but it was getting to be really intense. And my mental state changed really quickly. I went from being fine between contractions and able to have a conversation, think clearly, and make decisions to being completely out of it and unsure of anything. I had been sort of leaning forward on my knees when I first got in the tub, but that wasn't feeling good anymore. Brigitte suggested that I try reclining, but I just kept saying "I don't know! I don't know!" I was completely unable to communicate anything coherent. I knew that I was uncomfortable as I was, but I was also really afraid of making it worse by changing anything. 

Joe was trying so hard to be supportive. He was sitting by the side of the tub telling me I was doing a good job, and to keep breathing, and other nice things. I found it supremely annoying, and told him so. So he just stayed there and held my hand and the shower sprayer when needed. 

Finally I felt I needed to push. After a couple of pushes while still leaning forward, I ended up leaning back and reclining like Brigitte told me to earlier. It was better. But still, I was done. I looked at Joe and said it's time to consider taking something. We had agreed beforehand that I would need to ask for pain meds after two contractions before they would give me anything. Brigitte said no, that by the time they kicked in the baby would already be born. So no meds this time. At this point Joe is trying to hold my head above water as I kept leaning back with one foot up on the side of the tub. Brigitte was trying to give me a pep talk/calm me down by telling me that these were the last moments I was going to be pregnant, that my baby was coming, to be present in the moment. I was having none of it. I'm pretty sure I told her I didn't care, I just wanted to be done. A couple of pushes later his head was out and I distinctly remember saying "Just pull him out!" Brigitte, graceful as she is, said just one more big push, and then Thomas was here! 

He was born completely underwater, and they lifted him up and laid him on my chest. He was breathing fine and really calm. I guess that's pretty common with water babies, they don't really cry right away. After a while Joe cut the cord, held him against his chest while I delivered the placenta and then got out of the tub. Then we all got to snuggle together on the queen size bed for the rest of the night. It was pretty amazing. I couldn't have imagined it going any more perfectly. 

Resolve

This post is a little late, as are most things in my life these days. 

Last year I made four resolutions, and did pretty ok with them. Short recap:

1) Exercise for 20 minutes per day. I did pretty good with this overall. Less when it was hot, and less when I was pregnant, but still not too bad. 

2) Send one letter per week. This one fluctuated the most. Over the year I certainly sent more than 52 letters, but they tended to happen in bunches around holidays and birthdays.  

3) Bake and decorate one thing outside of work per month. I definitely baked a lot, decorated less.  

4) Stop comparing myself to other moms. Still workin' on this one. I think it will be a constant struggle. 

So, overall I would say my resolution making was a success. This year things are a little different. My official New Year's resolutions are pretty small and of a temporary nature. This spring I'll turn 29, and I'm saving my bigger resolutions for then, to be accomplished by the time I turn 30.

Now for the big reveal.... this year's resolutions:

1) Go outside every day. This sounds lame and deceptively simple. As someone who needs daily doses of sunshine and fresh air, it's a big deal. As a new-ish mother of two, it's a big pain. Getting them both bundled up, strapped on or in something, chasing one, pushing or carrying the other, it's a lot of work. But, I find that it's always worth it. This resolution serves multiple purposes: fresh air and sunshine, obviously, but also it forces me to get out of the apartment thereby increases my chances for human interaction, a little bit of exercise, and it helps fill the hours. So even if it's only the time it takes to get to/from the car, it counts. (I would have made this 'walk outside every day' but I still don't have clearance from the midwives for exercise. So in a few more weeks this will morph into an exercise resolution.)

2) Keep up with the housework. This sounds lame and unimportant. There's been a lot of people writing about not sweating the small stuff, focusing on your priorities, etc etc. Well, for me, sweating the small stuff is what allows me to enjoy the important stuff. So strapping Thomas in the Baby Bjorn, letting Lily watch some TV and taking thirty minutes to an hour to get the dishes done, laundry folded, mail sorted, or toys picked up allows me to be more present and relaxed for the rest of the day. 

3) Cook dinner once a week. This sounds lame and uninspired. I usually cook lots of things. Since Thomas was born Joe has been doing most of the cooking and we've had some very generous friends and family provide us with meals. But I miss cooking. I enjoy preparing good, healthy food for my family. So for this resolution, I mean that I want to really cook once a week for my family. Nothing super elaborate or awe-inspiring, but more than just pasta, or warming something up, but real food. And I want to do it alone (i.e. Joe watches the kids). 

So that's it, just three little resolutions (or should I make a fourth to stop starting sentences with the word 'so'?). For now. 

Big Sister

Lily has fully embraced her new role as 'big sister'. When we first called my parents to have them bring her to the hospital (something we had originally planned on NOT doing) I got to talk to her. My mom showed her the picture we had emailed with his name and stats. She had spent the night at my parents' house for the first time alone, and I could hear how excited she was to talk to me as soon as she said "Herro mama!" She told me all about the picture of the new baby and proudly told me his name was Thomas. And that she got a "Prize!" (surprise or present) for the new baby. It was so cute. 

When she finally arrived, she was so sweet and gentle with him. She held him on her lap, with my help, and gave him lots of kisses. That's still one of her favorite things to do. Lots of kisses and hugs and "Hold new baby, mama?" She almost loves him too much. 

At first she kept trying to share her toys with him and she would get frustrated when he wouldn't hold whatever she had just given him. We had to have a talk about how Thomas is just a tiny baby now, and that when he gets bigger then he'll be able to play with her. So now she just shows him her toys and she tells him "Play with me, new baby, big big big!" That's her way of telling him that he can play with her when he gets big. I love it. 

Tummy time is a highlight of the day. She gets right down on the floor next to him to show him how to do it properly. Then she gets distracted and runs off to dance with one of her princes or cook some pretend soup. 

It hasn't all been buttercups and roses, though. She's definitely pushing more boundaries, saying "No!" more often, and has trouble understanding that the new baby needs to sleep or nurse most of the time right now. I'm trying hard to make sure that I spend as much time just with her as I can. We read a lot of books all snuggled up on the couch together, and I'm still giving her a bath each night while Joe has 'man time' with Thomas. She also wants to help with everything so I try to include her as much as possible. I put the newborn diapers in a basket where she can reach them and her job is to get a diaper and open it up for me. She's also a very good gopher when I've forgotten something. Here she is looking surly when I asked to take her picture.

I also got her her own new baby so she can do everything I do with him. I had considered making a Waldorf Doll for her, but found this one instead. His name is Emmet. He's slightly more ethnic looking than I expected, but he's cute and she likes him quite a bit. I made her a set of diapers out of left over felt, velcro, and buttons (here's the pattern), and a sling, blanket, and diaper bag out of random fabric I had (no pattern, I just made it up as I went along). She really likes to carry him around in the sling when I'm carrying Thomas, and she even pretends to nurse him once in a while. Tonight she insisted on taking him to bed. 

I wish I had been feeling better during those last weeks so that I could have appreciated that time with Lily more than I did. I find that I miss her. I miss being able to fully participate in whatever crazy pretend game she has going on, or dancing around the living room to loud music, or sharing soup and cheese toast for lunch, or going on the bus to the big museums. I know that we'll do all those things again, and that we'll have lots of fun together, all of us. I made the mistake of saying "I miss you, Little Girl" once while giving her a hug. She  gave me a big kiss and said "I miss you, too, Mama." I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me tear up (or that I'm not doing that now). I don't know if she really understands what those words mean, but now she occasionally says it when she gives me a hug, and it makes me a little bit sad each time. 

Oh Lily, you'll always be my baby girl. I hope that we can be patient enough with each other to make it through these next few months. I love your singing and dancing, reading together, playing dress up, and snuggling together to watch a movie on these cold winter afternoons. Keep your beautiful spirit, your enthusiasm for all things purple, and your newfound love for your baby brother. And don't grow up too much faster because I don't want to miss a thing.

Thomas Flint

Thomas Flint

12/12/12 at 10:26PM

8lbs 3oz

20in

Oh Thomas, you're almost three whole weeks old now and I'm just getting to the official 'Welcome to the World' post. I think this is a sign of things to come. And those things will most likely be late. 

I'll write a more detailed birth story post later, but the short version is it was perfect. I was impatient for you to come, but you chose the right day and the right time, even if we had other ideas about that. 

You have been a good nurser and sleeper from the start. You like to look at your sister and don't mind it too much when she yells "Hello new baby!" right in your face. 

You're so pudgy and cuddly. And so much more relaxed than your sister ever was. You actually tolerate being held by other people and even enjoy sitting in the swing a bit. Thankfully, you also love being in the sling during the day so I can pay attention to and help Lily every now and then. 

So, in conclusion, Thomas, we're glad you're finally here!