Good week

So far, this has been a pretty good week. The weather has been great, I've been able to cook a lot and Lily has been in a great mood. I got the DVD's unpacked and organized/stored the baby stuff. Next week my mom is going to come out to the apartment to watch Lily while I do some major unpacking. I can't wait. 


Yesterday we went to visit my mom and Lily was so smiley and alert. She has really cute dimples and a very jolly smile. She really likes to clutch her hands together and stare intently at them trying to figure out how to get them apart again. She was in such a good mood we tried to get a picture of her smiling. Of course, as soon as the camera came out she became very serious. 

After about 20 minutes of doing ridiculous things she finally smiled for the camera, only with a toy in front of her face. This was the best we could do. 

And finally, we have quite possibly the strangest cat on the planet. Cats hate water, right? Not our cat. We came home after a jog last night to find this:

This is everything cats are supposed to hate: cold, hard, and damp. Ridiculous. When I tried to shoo him out he wouldn't budge so I turned the faucet on. Surely, this would make him move. But no. With the cool water pleasantly trickling on his tail and pooling around him, Duncan serenely reached his head forward and began to drink from the running tap and purring loudly as if to say "Thank you for installing my own personal waterfall with pool." I turned the water off and he stuck his face right under the tap to see where the water went. I turned the cold water on full blast. Didn't even phase him. So then I had to scoop out a soaking wet cat from the sink (my own fault, I know). I put him on the floor, he shook off the water and hopped up onto the toilet to wait for me to finish with the sink so he could snuggle back in. Oh well. At least he's not destroying the furniture. 

Fall in the City

I had forgotten how much I love real fall. The leaves crunching under your feet, the blue October sky, the slight chill in the air (not so much this week), and the smell of wood burning in people's fireplaces. I'm glad to be back.

Lily has grown a lot this week it seems. She's finally big enough for the Baby Bjorn a friend gave us. The sling is still her favorite but I can do so much more with the other carrier. She has a very jolly smile that is hard to catch in a picture. Also, she's finally on the border of being too big for the newborn size diapers. She can still rock the newbie clothes, though. This picture cracks me up because it looks nothing like her. Her face is definitely chubbier than it used to be, but not this much. Also, she's started losing her hair. Mostly it's just at the front for now leaving a glorious mullet in the back. Awesome.

172.8

That is the number my scale said this morning. I'm not too disturbed by the fact that this is almost eight pounds more than when we left Tucson for several reasons: 1) this is a new scale; 2) I have been more mobile over the past month and am starting to gain back muscle that I lost on bed rest; and 3) my clothes are fitting better so I'm clearly getting smaller. Even so, this number is bigger than I would like it to be. 


I was inspired by my friend Erik who just competed in the Chicago Marathon. I have always wanted to run a marathon, but have never really had the time to train for one. I feel like now is that time. To be honest with myself, the chances of me actually completing 26.2 miles are very low because of my wacky hips. But I am going to operate under the assumption that they will hold up if I take care of them and don't push too hard too fast. 


I am pretty good at making grandiose plans and then not following through with them. I also find public shame a very strong motivator. Therefore, I am publicly announcing my intentions to train for the 2011 Chicago Marathon and to lose 20 pounds in the process. On Mondays I will post about the previous weeks workouts as well as my average weight for the week. This is mostly for my own record keeping, but also motivation to keep going. 


From now until it is too cold to run outside (or the snow is too deep) I am going to work on rebuilding my endurance. Over the winter I will focus on speed and strength. Then spring training! I have been a big fan of Hal Higdon's training programs in the past, so I think I'll go with him again starting in April. 


So it's official now. Let the sweating begin!

Acceptance

I have been a stay-at-home mom for almost two weeks now, and there are a few things I have had to come to terms with:

1) My body is not the same as it was pre-pregnancy. While I am officially down to my pre-pregnancy weight, I am definitely not my pre-pregnancy shape. I was prepared for the changes in how I looked, but I was not expecting to feel so different. When I jog things jiggle that never have before, and I get tired way sooner than I think I should. As someone who thinks of herself as a runner, I am disappointed that I'm winded after jogging for 10 minutes in the middle of my daily walk with Lily. I need to remember that I was sedentary for almost three months and I need to go slow. On a more positive yet slightly demeaning note, on our walk today I got honked at for the first time in a very long while. I find that I am equal parts flattered and offended by this. It's good to know that I don't necessarily look like the lumpy sack of potatoes that I feel like sometimes.

2) The apartment will get unpacked eventually. Lily likes to nurse for comfort a lot, and won't accept a pacifier or tolerate being put down so I can't do a whole lot. She will sleep in the sling for about an hour in the morning before getting too fussy so that is pretty much my only chance to get things done. I have this compulsion to have the area around me be neat. I end up spending most of my "free" time straightening up, and then only have a little while to try to unpack. Joe has done a good job of helping me get the living room, dining room, bedroom and our bathroom mostly box free. But our office is still full of unopened boxes of stuff that belongs on shelves in the other rooms. By the time Joe gets home in the evenings, all we want to do is relax together and I am unwilling to sacrifice the little time we have together for unpacking. I'm just frustrated with not having everything put away and having everything feel only partly done.

3) I do not love being a stay-at-home mom. There, I said it. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm making a mistake. I am absolutely convinced that it is the right thing for our family right now and I am happy to do it. I definitely enjoy watching Lily grow and learn new things every day, having the time to go for long walks while the weather is nice, and being able to cook real food while Joe sits with Lily in the evening. I am having trouble filling the hours that I just sit with Lily nursing. I tried listening to the local NPR station, but I am sorely disappointed in their programming. It seems to be a lot of uninteresting filler and jazz. I hate jazz. Daytime broadcast TV is mind numbing, and I haven't mastered the one handed reading trick. I can type with one hand, but there's only so much time I'm willing to spend on the computer. So, I'm looking for suggestions of good books on tape/CD, good radio stations to stream through my laptop, or anything I can do with one hand (keep it clean people).

Writing this post has been more cathartic for me than usual. Somehow, writing about acceptance has helped bring it about some. It will take me a while, but I am settling into this new life and am looking forward to seeing how it turns out.

Autumn Haiku

Lakeshore. Waves crashing. 

Walking. Breathing in fresh air. 

Peaceful. Lily sleeps. 

So big!

Lily is two months old! She had a check-up with the pediatrician yesterday to make sure she was gaining weight. She's now 7lbs 5oz and 22 inches long. That puts her in about the third percentile for weight and 30th for height. She's very alert and is starting to smile at people. Her hands are humongous! She is definitely going to be a pianist. 

Most of her weight gain over the past week has been due to supplemental feedings of formula. I've been really conflicted about this. I really wanted her to be only breastfed until at least six months. However, as her recent weight gain shows, I am clearly not producing enough milk to satisfy her. When I would talk to people or read about breastfeeding, many sentences began with "After a feeding...". I never understood what they meant because Lily would actively feed for about 10 minutes and then she would fall asleep. I tried again and again to take her off the breast and put her in the swing, on the bed, or in Joe's arms. As soon as she wasn't sucking she would wake up and scream until she was back on me. So there never was an end to feeding. Using formula has changed all of that. After a few ounces, she has a while of happy baby time (usually 30 minutes to an hour) and then goes into a food coma for one to three hours. It's amazing. I can actually cook something or unpack a few boxes at a time. 

Last week she was on a pretty regimented formula schedule, plus breastfeeding whenever she was hungry between. Because she's over 7 lbs now, we can cut back with the formula to a more as needed basis. We'll still give it to her at almost every feeding, but only after breastfeeding first and only if she seems like she's unsatisfied. So far that has meant only two or three bottles a day as opposed to the six we were doing before. Also, I started taking fenugreek to see if that helps with my supply. It seems to be working so far. We just need to make sure that she keeps gaining at a good rate. Eventually, I hope to not have to use any formula. 

Last Sunday my mom threw us a welcome home party/baby shower. A bunch of friends and family came. It was a fun afternoon, and Lily got some really cute things. After driving home though, we were all tuckered out. We put Lily on the bed for a minute while we put some things away and she just passed out. Apparently I was pretty tired as well because there is no reason for this photo to be at this ridiculous angle. 

Sweet Home Chicago!

After about three weeks of near constant packing, driving, and unpacking we are finally moved into our new apartment in Hyde Park, a neighborhood near Lake Michigan on the south side of Chicago. We still have a ton of stuff in boxes, but it's all here and not in random storage facilities or my parents' house. We also have new furniture! This is very exciting to me because I have never had my own furniture, at least not since high school. Every place I've been since then has had furniture. But this time it is a blank slate. It's been lots of fun to furniture shop with Joe and Lily. 


Speaking of Lily, she is 8 weeks old today! I can't believe it's already been almost two full months since she was born. I guess the stress of packing and moving was too much for both me and her, because my milk supply dropped way low. Over the past three weeks she has only gained one ounce (she should be gaining between one half and one ounce per day). The pediatrician was rightfully alarmed and recommended we start supplementing regularly with formula. It breaks my heart to see my daughter so satisfied by a substitute and to know that I'm not enough for her. But I am determined to keep breastfeeding her as much as possible, and to stop or at least diminish the supplementation as soon as she is healthy again. 


Along with all of our moving adventures, we've made time to explore our new neighborhood a bit. Today it was 70*F and sunny so we took a walk to the Museum of Science and Industry, through Jackson Park, and back up along the lakeshore. All told, it ended up being just over 6 miles, which was possible only because of the new stroller that was a gift from Joe's mom. We got a jogger that a carseat fits on top of so you can use it with an infant. I'm not quite up to jogging with it yet, but I foresee many pleasant brisk walks this autumn. Here's a picture of little Lily fast asleep while Joe and I ate some pretty delicious Thai food before our stroll.