The Ugly Truth

Lily called me ugly today. 

It really took me by surprise because we never talk about people or things being ugly. I don't call myself or anyone else ugly. I don't know where she got that from. After I told her that hurt my feelings and we talked about how that's not a nice thing to say, she apologized and skipped away to play with her dolls. I went back to cleaning up from lunch and then I cried because the fact of the matter is she was right. 

I was ugly when I grabbed her arm and yelled at her for pushing Thomas down. Why can't I be more understanding that it's hard to always share?

I was ugly when I snapped at Thomas for yelling because he wasn't getting fed fast enough. Why can't I be more patient, he's just a baby.

I feel ugly when I open my drawer and there's only one pair of pants that doesn't have holes in the knees. Why can't I dress like an adult?

I feel ugly when Joe gets home at 8 and I'm still in sweat pants and a ponytail. Again. Why can't I get my act together?

I feel ugly when I wish I could go back in time for a weekend before we had kids. I want it to be just us again. Sleep in, make breakfast, do a crossword, listen to the radio and actually be able to hear it, think/talk/do NOTHING kid related. Why can't I enjoy my kids as much as I should?

I feel ugly when I think I'm better than this. I have too much education to just be doing this. It seems like such a waste. Why doesn't parenting feel like I'm doing 'enough'?

I feel ugly. There is no sweet turning point to this post. No cute little moral. I just feel ugly. 

Halloween

It's still November so this isn't THAT late. Ok, maybe it is. 

You may remember last year I made Wonder Pets costumes for all of us. It was a pain in the butt, took forever, and I swore I would never do it again. This year, I thought, I'm just going to buy whatever for the kids. Then Lily decided she wanted to be Sofia the First and Thomas should be Clover the Bunny, and hey you guys can be Queen Miranda and King Roland. So... I ended up making some of it, but not nearly as involved as last time. 

Here we have Sofia (totally store bought, thanks mom!).

And Clover.. It is nearly impossible to find a grey bunny costume for some reason. So I had to make this. I used an old jacket that was too small for me. I cut the hat and ears out of the torso, then sewed the legs together for matching pants. We already had a grey onesie and slippers. Add some pink felt to the ears and cotton fluff for a tail and tada! Instant bunny.

Here's King Roland with the kids. I made simple satin sashes with a button and fabric paint letters and sewed up a couple of blingy felt crowns.

The day before Halloween we took the train down to Joe's office where they had trick or treating. I think it's so nice that they do things like that so parents get a chance to celebrate with their families a bit. There was another family there with a Sofia and Clover. Lily thought that was amazing. 

And the haul... After Lily dumped out her pumpkin bucket (thanks Susan!) she lined it all up in the order she planned on eating it. She is my daughter, after all, you've gotta have a plan. For a couple of weeks she was pretty excited about getting to eat one piece after lunch each day. Now she's mostly forgotten about it so I get to eat it. 

Halloween day itself it poured. We did the super-lame-o drive around thing. We drove to my parents', Joe's parents', my brother and his wife's, and then made one last stop to see some friends where we ended up actually walking door to door for a block or so. We had enough fun to say we did it and got soaked. Then Joe unexpectedly got to leave work early so we ordered pizza, watched The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, unplugged the doorbell and put out a bowl for local candy hounds (we live on the second floor and tromping up and down the stairs with a baby and a 3 year old every 2 minutes was very unpleasant). Pretty relaxed, very fun, a total success. 

Random Thoughts

I was in the middle of a very late Halloween post with lots of pictures, but it apparently vanished. So instead I'm going to write about several small things probably not worthy of individual posts. 

1) The Art of Weekending

With Joe working long hours during the week, weekends have become super important both as a time to all be together and as a time for each of us to recharge. The key to a good weekend, for us, is to have a plan that is open to change based on how we feel when we wake up Saturday morning. We always start by walking to the Buzz Cafe for breakfast and to listen to Joe's dad play the banjo. Then we usually have one thing each day that we HAVE to go to (visiting family, pageant rehearsal, something previously scheduled). We try to plan one fun outing that is completely optional. If we're feeling adventurous, we'll all go have fun. If I need a break and a chance to catch up with things at home (or just take a nap), Joe will take the kids out. Or if a Joe needs to get stuff done, I'll take them. We try to be pretty conservative with our commitments so the weekends don't feel like work. So far, they've all been pretty great. 

2) Sleep

Because Joe has been getting home late, I have been having to put the kids to bed by myself. This is a particular challenge for us because Thomas sleeps in our bed, Lily falls asleep in her bed with one of us sitting next to her, our bedroom is joined to her bedroom, and neither of them will go to sleep if the other one is within earshot (except in the car for some reason). I am fully aware that these are all problems we have created. At first I tried laying down in our bed with Thomas and told Lily to stay in her bed and listen to music. Well, she just kept on talking to me through the wall and then Thomas wouldn't settle. So we ended up just going cold turkey and said goodnight, stay in your room and listen to music, I'll be in the living room with Thomas. She cried herself to sleep the first two nights then got over it. Now she goes to bed happily and just gets out of bed a couple of times early on to ask for another stuffed animal or book or to listen to Puff the Magic Dragon again. I was amazed. The transition was so easy. Why hadn't we done this before? She's doing so great! I found some random things in her bed when I changed the sheets, but she had been playing in there earlier so I didn't think much of it. Then the other night she came out and said she had found her ring in one of her boxes. Why are you looking in that box? Silence. Turns out that what I assumed was peaceful, quiet going to sleep-ness was really quiet, covert party time in her room. She likes going to bed by herself because she gets to listen to music, read books, play with stuffed animals and her dollhouse all without anyone watching her or knowing what she's doing. The other morning she said she had a Halloween party with all of her animals. As far as I can tell she's usually asleep for real by 9pm at the latest, so I guess that's good enough. 

3) Housekeeping

Two kids make a ridiculous amount of mess. All the time. Everywhere. I've been struggling to figure out a way to keep the house not looking like a sty without just parking the kids in front of the TV for an hour a day. I had come across some cleaning plans on Pinterest and decided to give it a try. Some of them are ridiculous. Who wipes down the baseboards once a week? But some are more reasonable. I don't know why I never thought of breaking it down into doing one thing a day instead of all at once. It's so much easier this way! Every morning I do one load of laundry, empty the dishwasher, make the beds, and sweep. This only takes like 15 minutes and I can usually get most of it done before we walk to school. Lily likes to help sweep and her two official chores are to match the socks and make her bed. We try to do toy pickup throughout the day together.  Monday I scrub the bathroom while Lily is at preschool and Thomas takes a nap. Tuesday I dust. Lily and Thomas LOVE to help with this. Wednesday I vacuum. Thursday I wash the floors and/or change the sheets. Friday is free! Or, more likely making up for whatever I missed earlier in the week. Over the weekend I try to get one larger project done (finish unpacking something, clean the fridge, hang art, etc.). Turns out when I stick to this the house never really looks like it needs to be cleaned. It's amazing. Things might not be as organized as I would ideally like, but it's clean, relatively tidy, and I wouldn't be  embarrassed if  someone unexpectedly came over. 

All of this is rather mundane, but it's my life these days. I'll try to put together the Halloween pictures again and there will definitely be a Thanksgiving post, probably sometime before Christmas. Have a great weekend!

I puréed bacon.

True story. I made a soup for dinner tonight that involved putting bacon in a blender. Thank god it's fall.

From One Pot, One Bowl:

Bacon & Pea Soup
All the flavor of traditional pea and ham soup, but with a fraction of the effort, time, and money.

Serves 4
3/4 pound thick cut bacon, chopped
1 onion, coarsely chopped
3 1/2 cups frozen peas (reserve a few for garnish)
1 box (32 ounces) vegetable broth [I used chicken broth instead.]

In a large saucepan, fry the bacon until golden. Set aside some for garnish. Move the rest to the side and in the fat gently fry the onion until just translucent. Add the peas and vegetable broth. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and cook until the peas are tender, 3 to 5 minutes. Using a handheld blender, blend the soup until smooth. To serve, pour the soup into bowls and garnish with a few whole peas and a little crispy bacon. 

Omigosh is this delicious. We don't have an immersion blender, so I just did it in two batches in the blender and it worked out fine. I served it with the Maltese Cheese Pie from the same cookbook.

Maltese Cheese Pie
With four simple ingredients, this pie is really quite amazing.

Serves 4 to 6
3 eggs
1 container (15 ounces) ricotta cheese
1/4 cup chopped parsley
2 sheets frozen puff pastry, thawed

Preheat the oven to 350*F. Line an 8-inch round baking dish with parchment paper. In a bowl, beat the eggs; set aside a small amount to paint the top of the pie. Stir the ricotta and parsley into the eggs. Season with sea salt and pepper to taste. Line the baking dish with 1 sheet of the pastry. Pour in the ricotta mixture and cover with the remaining pastry; seal the edges with a fork and trim the excess pastry. Brush the top crust with the reserved egg and cut 2 or 3 vent holes. Bake until the pastry is golden on top 35 to 40 minutes.

This turned out mostly okay. The puff pastry didn't quit firm up how I expected, maybe I just needed to leave it in longer. But it was warm and cheesy and went well with the pea soup on this chilly, rainy night.

I checked out this cookbook from the library, and it's okay. I wouldn't rush out and buy it. The gimmick is 4 ingredients in one pot or bowl. Mostly I've used it as a good place to get ideas and then use the recipe as a starting off point for a dish. These two recipes, however, were worth sharing. 

Happy fall!

One Shot

Joe started his fancy new job at a law firm. 

...Snap back to reality...

And I'm back to being a full-time-plus stay at home mom.

...Oh there goes gravity...

It's been quite a week. Those couple of lines from Eminem's 'One Shot' keep running through my head. Having Joe home for the last two months has been such a blessing, and I knew it was going to be a tough transition when he started, but I was still blindsided. 

Monday was a complete disaster. Somebody was crying all of the time, every ten minutes Lily asked "Where's daddy?", Joe didn't get home until 8PM, and all I could think was "This is it. This is how the rest of my life is going to be." Then Tuesday, glorious Tuesday. We went to the zoo and had an amazing three hours followed by a really solid nap. Dinner was easier, Joe got home earlier, and all ended well. Wednesday was picture day, so that led to a hectic morning, but over all went fine. I was supposed to work Thursday and Friday, but that was cancelled. I was disappointed because I really look forward to decorating for one or two days, but I took advantage of the previously arranged child care to get the last of our furniture built and the beginning of our art on the walls. 

The two hardest parts of our day are nap time and dinner prep. The trouble with nap time is the only way I can get them both to sleep is to drive. They both need to sleep at the same time, but they keep each other awake if they're in the same room ( but not the same car) and Lily won't lie down in bed by herself. We've finally got her staying in her own bed ALL night, but one of us has to sit in a chair next to her until she falls asleep. So I'm not really sure what to do other than drive for an hour and a half to two hours each day. That's getting a little expensive, but at least I get a chance to listen to some public radio, drink something caffeinated, and not be touched by anyone for a while. 

Dinner time is a constant struggle. I really like to make real food, but that is really hard with two little ones. Lily can "help", but Thomas just screams. I'm toying with the idea of getting a mother's helper to come from like 4-5 each day just to watch them while I cook. That seems a bit ridiculous, though. 

The absolute best part of my day is the half mile walk to and from Lily's preschool. Things are usually rushed and chaotic as we hurry to get out the door, but once we're out, everything changes. Part of the rush is so we can leave a little early and take our time on the walk. Smell flowers, crunch leaves, pet dogs and cats, and just chat with each other. Lily dances and sings and tells stories. Thomas babbles and coos and sometimes naps. The walk home is slower because she's more worn out, but she tells me all about her morning and usually makes elaborate plans for the afternoon. These walks are precious. 

And between those two walks I have my little fat baby all to myself. Almost standing on his own, he's still so snugly and happy and round. Joe played a Pete Seeger song for me called Little Fat Baby, and it's now one of my favorites. If you have little people in your life, you need to download it right now. (I couldn't find it on YouTube, otherwise there would be a link here.) I can't believe he's ten months old already, and in know how fast they are going to keep passing by. These mornings  are precious. 

This week has reminded me that I am a mama who goes. We need to get out of the house for all of our well being, especially after nap time. I am grateful to have a nice park at the end of the block so when the late afternoon crazies arrive we can just swoop out the door for a quick romp and then start the dinner battle. I foresee many afternoon trips to the library and the conservatory in our future, if the weather ever turns colder. 

And through all of this I'm trying to remember to enjoy some of it. It's not all fun, it's intense, and it's exhausting, but the days are so fleeting. I'm trying to hold onto the walks, and the mornings, and the moments of joy so that when the breakdowns and crankies take over, I don't get too overwhelmed. The opportunity to be such a big part of my children's lives will only come once. These days are precious. 

...You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime...

Summer Round-up

I was going through my phone and decided that I needed to add some pictures from our summer. As not-fun as I remember it being, our pictures say otherwise. The first big event was graduation! 

Then bar review started and that meant basically single-parenting for two months. This led to lots of random adventures and photos. 

Then Lily turned 3! We had a small celebration with Lily's two favorite friends, Ainsley and Louise, on her actual birthday, followed by another small celebration with family. That means she got TWO cakes!

Lily got her first haircut. She only agreed to do this on two conditions: 1) She wanted it cut like Sofia the First; 2) she wanted to wear a tiara when she was done. 

We spent a week at the cabin.

And then miraculously fall started. Lily had her first ballet class, we planted a mason jar herb garden, Thomas is standing and eating solids like a champ, and lots and LOTS of dress up. 

Look at this sleeping chub. His legs are so fat his little top foot can't reach the mattress and just kind of hangs there. 

So it turns out that the summer of misery wasn't so bad after all. 

Pre-School

Lily started preschool! 

It's a little bit hard for me to believe that I have a child old enough to be going to preschool, but both she and I are definitely ready. Once we figured out where we would be living the search began. I think I wrote an earlier post about the stresses involved in selecting the "right" preschool. Since we started looking pretty late in the season for preschool applications, that significantly narrowed our options. But, my only criteria for choosing where she went were that 1) we could walk to it, and 2) they would not actively abuse her. And we found the perfect one! 

The only required school supply was a backpack that can fit a 9x12" piece of construction paper. Lily had a really cute little toddler backpack that can fit at most a 5x7" paper. So we looked around and anything that was big enough either looked ridiculous on her because she's a peanut, or cost $90 (I'm looking at you Duluth Pack). So I decided to make one. I found this adorable pattern on Pinterest, my new obsession. I looked at the dimensions for cutting and thought "Perfect!". Only I forgot to allow for seams. So... after all that it's about half an inch too small in each direction. BUT, you can fit a 9x12" piece of construction paper in it if it is bowed a little bit. 

Lily picked out her outfit for the first day. She wanted to wear her special Easter dress, made by the fabulous Rebecca Lynn Designs, and flip-flops to "match mama". Finally, she wanted her hair done in a Rapunzel braid. 

Then it was time for pictures. 

Lily LOVES going to preschool. She's excited to play with her friends and check out all the fun things in their classroom. On the first day, we all walked together and we hung out for about 15 minutes in the classroom chatting with some of the other parents. We asked Lily if she was ready for us to leave and she said "Yep! Goodbye!" and ran off to play dress up. No tears were shed on either of our parts. 

When I go to pick her up, she's usually pretty tired on the walk home so we just chat a little bit about what she did if she wants to. I try not to bombard her with questions, even though I have a million. But throughout the rest of the day, usually after naptime, she shares about things they did, who she played with, what she liked and didn't like, etc. We're a week into it, and it's going fabulously. 

While Joe is still at home, I'm trying to take advantage of those precious hours. Joe watches Thomas while I am FINALLY able to really get things settled. We have everything unpacked in that it is out of boxes, but the music room is a mess, our clothes aren't in the right drawers, and a million other small things that just haven't gotten done yet. It feels so good to actually have things settled and arranged and right. I'm looking forward to October, when Joe goes back to work and it'll just be me and my baby boy for two and a half hours three times a week. 

I love September. I love that back to school feeling. There's so much hope and optimism and a sense of starting fresh. I'm going to try to hold onto that for as long as possible.