I'm writing a post at 10:30 AM on a Monday. I should not be able to do this because Lily and I should be at Wiggleworms, the music class we go to run by the Old Town School of Folk Music. Lily LOVES Wiggleworms. It's one of her favorite activities of the week. But today, we had to leave because Lily was being totally uncooperative, wouldn't sit down or even just stand next to me, and the instructor had to stop class twice to ask her to stop running around the room like an idiot.
In general, we follow a three strikes rule. I ask Lily to do something three times, and if she doesn't we leave or whatever she was playing with gets taken away. If it was something big, like having to leave class, we leave and then about half way home we stop and talk about why we left and do the same when we get back home. Then the issue is generally dropped. I mean, she's only 2 and her memory only goes back so far. I'm a big believer in natural consequences for bad behavior, and having to leave class seems appropriate. At the beginning of class next week I'll probably remind her so she remembers that there are consequences to not listening to mama or Miss Shanta and hopefully things will go better. I also try really hard to not say no or to stop doing something for arbitrary reasons, only for safety or being a civilized human.
But there's a problem with this. When we leave class Lily gets to ride her bike home, which is possibly her second favorite activity to do. Then she gets to be at home and do pretty much whatever she wants. 'Punishing' her further at home seems pretty pointless because it's too far removed from the action that instigated it. So suddenly her natural consequence has turned into a natural benefit.
And she's doing it all the time now. Testing the limits of everything, willfully and stubbornly. (I wonder who she gets that from?) When we're at home trying to get ready to go out somewhere, she usually crawls under the table multiple times to prevent me from putting on her socks, shoes, jacket, whatever. What am I supposed to do then? If I say 'do this or we're not going' that's partly what she wants, even if it's someplace fun we're supposed to go. And usually it's someplace that I HAVE to go, so not going is not an option. We don't take toys or things with us most places, so there's no threat there. Bribes don't work either, nor do I think they're the answer.
I get so frustrated with her not being cooperative. And it's not like she's throwing a fit, she just thinks it's a fun game to make mama pull her out from the under the table, or chase her through the grocery store. I've done the waiting it out thing, too. Like at home if it's not somewhere I need to be at a certain time I'll just wait until she's ready to come out. That works pretty well, also with her toys when she refuses to clean up before starting the next thing. We have a mini battle of wills, and so far mine always wins because I'm happy to just sit on the floor doing nothing waiting for her to pick up her blocks before getting out all of her dolls. Neither of us gets bent out of shape, both end up pretty happy, and in the end what needs to get done does. But when time is an issue, or it's at someone else's house that doesn't work so well.
Evening update: At dinner my mom asked Lily if she went to Wiggleworms today and she looked at me sadly. I said "We had to leave Wiggleworms. Lily do you remember why?" and she looked sadly at my mom and said "Run." Then I asked her who asked her to stop running and she said Shanta. I'm pretty encouraged that she was able to process and remember all that and feel a little bit bad about it. Maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are.
And truthfully, this happens like once a day. As long as I can control my frustration about it, she responds pretty positively. I think I just needed to vent a while. Wiggleworms is one of the few things we pay to go to, and it's not cheap. And it's embarrassing to have the kid that's acting out of control, especially when you're 7.5 months pregnant and have a hard time getting up and down from the floor let alone trying to chase your two year old around in a circle.
How do you deal with uncooperative children? As usual, any suggestions are welcome.
9 hours ago
Oh man, what a well timed post. I was actually on here to write some vent about how horrible life has been with Ainsley the past two days (think stolen wedding ring and LOTS of nail polish where it shouldn't be). I keep waiting for Lousie to hit that real defiant streak, but I think she has and it's just no big deal because Ainsley is SO MUCH WORSE. I kind of feel bad for saying that, but it's true. honestly to me Lily sounds like a totally normal 2 year old. I VIVIDLY recall those exact same antics at music class with Ainsley at that age. I think some kids are just so active and energetic, it's hard to slow down and listen. It sounds to me like you're doing all the right things. The "ok I'm leaving without you" thing works pretty well for me in the mornings, as does the "lead by example" thing, and just ignoring their behavior all together. At music class I always act like the student, following directions and singing along. Unless Ainsley was REALLY getting into mischeif I let her wander and she most always came around sooner or later. Perhaps you could bring the stroller next time so she doesn't get to ride home if you end up having to leave? Hang in there! She's so cute and smart, it'll all get worked out soon.
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