Big Sister

Lily has fully embraced her new role as 'big sister'. When we first called my parents to have them bring her to the hospital (something we had originally planned on NOT doing) I got to talk to her. My mom showed her the picture we had emailed with his name and stats. She had spent the night at my parents' house for the first time alone, and I could hear how excited she was to talk to me as soon as she said "Herro mama!" She told me all about the picture of the new baby and proudly told me his name was Thomas. And that she got a "Prize!" (surprise or present) for the new baby. It was so cute. 

When she finally arrived, she was so sweet and gentle with him. She held him on her lap, with my help, and gave him lots of kisses. That's still one of her favorite things to do. Lots of kisses and hugs and "Hold new baby, mama?" She almost loves him too much. 

At first she kept trying to share her toys with him and she would get frustrated when he wouldn't hold whatever she had just given him. We had to have a talk about how Thomas is just a tiny baby now, and that when he gets bigger then he'll be able to play with her. So now she just shows him her toys and she tells him "Play with me, new baby, big big big!" That's her way of telling him that he can play with her when he gets big. I love it. 

Tummy time is a highlight of the day. She gets right down on the floor next to him to show him how to do it properly. Then she gets distracted and runs off to dance with one of her princes or cook some pretend soup. 

It hasn't all been buttercups and roses, though. She's definitely pushing more boundaries, saying "No!" more often, and has trouble understanding that the new baby needs to sleep or nurse most of the time right now. I'm trying hard to make sure that I spend as much time just with her as I can. We read a lot of books all snuggled up on the couch together, and I'm still giving her a bath each night while Joe has 'man time' with Thomas. She also wants to help with everything so I try to include her as much as possible. I put the newborn diapers in a basket where she can reach them and her job is to get a diaper and open it up for me. She's also a very good gopher when I've forgotten something. Here she is looking surly when I asked to take her picture.

I also got her her own new baby so she can do everything I do with him. I had considered making a Waldorf Doll for her, but found this one instead. His name is Emmet. He's slightly more ethnic looking than I expected, but he's cute and she likes him quite a bit. I made her a set of diapers out of left over felt, velcro, and buttons (here's the pattern), and a sling, blanket, and diaper bag out of random fabric I had (no pattern, I just made it up as I went along). She really likes to carry him around in the sling when I'm carrying Thomas, and she even pretends to nurse him once in a while. Tonight she insisted on taking him to bed. 

I wish I had been feeling better during those last weeks so that I could have appreciated that time with Lily more than I did. I find that I miss her. I miss being able to fully participate in whatever crazy pretend game she has going on, or dancing around the living room to loud music, or sharing soup and cheese toast for lunch, or going on the bus to the big museums. I know that we'll do all those things again, and that we'll have lots of fun together, all of us. I made the mistake of saying "I miss you, Little Girl" once while giving her a hug. She  gave me a big kiss and said "I miss you, too, Mama." I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me tear up (or that I'm not doing that now). I don't know if she really understands what those words mean, but now she occasionally says it when she gives me a hug, and it makes me a little bit sad each time. 

Oh Lily, you'll always be my baby girl. I hope that we can be patient enough with each other to make it through these next few months. I love your singing and dancing, reading together, playing dress up, and snuggling together to watch a movie on these cold winter afternoons. Keep your beautiful spirit, your enthusiasm for all things purple, and your newfound love for your baby brother. And don't grow up too much faster because I don't want to miss a thing.