Lily called me ugly today.
It really took me by surprise because we never talk about people or things being ugly. I don't call myself or anyone else ugly. I don't know where she got that from. After I told her that hurt my feelings and we talked about how that's not a nice thing to say, she apologized and skipped away to play with her dolls. I went back to cleaning up from lunch and then I cried because the fact of the matter is she was right.
I was ugly when I grabbed her arm and yelled at her for pushing Thomas down. Why can't I be more understanding that it's hard to always share?
I was ugly when I snapped at Thomas for yelling because he wasn't getting fed fast enough. Why can't I be more patient, he's just a baby.
I feel ugly when I open my drawer and there's only one pair of pants that doesn't have holes in the knees. Why can't I dress like an adult?
I feel ugly when Joe gets home at 8 and I'm still in sweat pants and a ponytail. Again. Why can't I get my act together?
I feel ugly when I wish I could go back in time for a weekend before we had kids. I want it to be just us again. Sleep in, make breakfast, do a crossword, listen to the radio and actually be able to hear it, think/talk/do NOTHING kid related. Why can't I enjoy my kids as much as I should?
I feel ugly when I think I'm better than this. I have too much education to just be doing this. It seems like such a waste. Why doesn't parenting feel like I'm doing 'enough'?
I feel ugly. There is no sweet turning point to this post. No cute little moral. I just feel ugly.
I hear this, big time. Today was much better but yesterday was like WHOA this. You aren't ugly. You're a stay at home parent and that's the freaking hardest thing to be ever.
ReplyDeleteI think it is an ugly time of the year. I also think you're amazing for the things you do, and I wish I could see your pretty face more often!
ReplyDeleteOh Elizabeth, you are so not ugly! I don't comment often, but I do read and stay caught up, and I love to see your beautiful family and read about your adventures. You're terrifically intelligent, reflective, thoughtful, and creative. Transitions and tough times can get the best of us sometimes, but they pass. Sending you good thoughts!
ReplyDelete