Resolution Check-In 7 and 8

I'll just write this for two months in one post. 

1) Exercise for 20 minutes per day. Ugh. This was a total disaster the past couple of months. I haven't even been keeping track of it. Between the heat, and the exhaustion, and the traveling, and the feeling like my pelvis may crack in two at any moment, it just didn't happen. I did manage to do my weight routine at least once per week, and realistically I end up walking for at least 30 minutes a day except on the days I work, and then I'm lifting and standing and bending all day. So far I've gained about 12 pounds, and that puts me in the healthy range for weight gain. At least I'm not losing weight anymore. 

2) Send one letter per week. This went a little better. I sent out a bunch of thank-you cards for Lily's birthday, and I'm about to write a couple more right now. That should average out to one per week for the past two months. 

3) Bake and decorate one thing outside of work per month. July was pretty cake heavy. I made a Wonder Pets birthday cake for Lily and a 4-tier wedding cake for my brother. In August I did a lot of baking up at the cabin where it was cooler and we had a larger kitchen. We made cherry turn overs, pancake muffins, and chocolate chip muffins. Nothing requiring great decorating skill, but still a baked good nonetheless.

4) Stop comparing myself to other moms. I've been struggling with this again. Maybe it's all of the back-to-school-ness happening around me, but it makes me question some of the choices we've made as a family. I know deep down that not sending Lily to day care or early pre-school is the right choice for us, but that doesn't mean I don't consider all the things she's missing out on by not doing that. I keep worrying about socialization, but selfishly I want to spend this fall with just her, learning, exploring, playing, one last hurrah before the new baby comes and she suddenly has to share everything. 

I'm especially looking forward to some new activities together. We're going to continue with Wiggleworms through the Old Town School of Folkmusic. This is such an awesome class, and Lily has loved it from the beginning, starting when she was about 9 months old. Additionally, we're going to go to a dance class offered at the Hyde Park Neighborhood Club. We tried to go once in the spring, but it was scheduled right for the middle of Lily's nap time, and it was a disaster. Now it's on a new day at a new time and it should all work out just great. She loves dancing around the apartment and on the sidewalk and anywhere really, I think she'll really like this class. And finally, she's signed up for an art class at the Hyde Park Art Center. This is the only class that I won't be going to with her. I can if I want to, but an hour and a half alone each week to sit and drink tea while reading a book in silence sounds too good to pass up. She also goes to Sunday school each Sunday. This year she'll be in a real class, not just the nursery. So with all these fun things to go to, I'm actually not that worried about socializing her. 

So, I don't know. I feel a lot of pressure to have Lily be independent. But all I want is to snuggle her close and not have her grow up too fast. I already can't believe how much of a big kid she is. And there's another thing I'm starting to get paranoid about. What happens if I don't like the second one as much as I like Lily? I know this sounds ridiculous, but this keeps me up at night. I am not the nicest person on the planet and can be fairly judgmental for stupid reasons. It just so happens that Lily is the most awesomest kid ever. What happens if the second one isn't? What if he's the kind of person I just can't stand for one reason or another? This makes me sound like a terrible mother, but I had the exact same worries before Lily was born. Argh.